Wednesday, January 28, 2004

DUCK MAKES A PERSONAL POST!!!

Normally I don't talk too much about myself on here, but I thought that today I would share with you all a little something about me, specifically about my dreams.

Ever since college, and even before college, I've had many dreams about me being back in school. Sometimes my current school, but mostly the school I last attended. For example, since I started college I've had many dreams about being back in high school. Almost always, these dreams take place in current days, with students much younger than myself. Sometimes I am just there visiting and sometimes I am a student there, again, even though I graduated long ago. The feeling I get during these dreams is a combination of being "out of place" since I am much older than the other students and I don't really belong there, and a sense that I DO belong. I know that sounds strange, but let me explain further by telling you what I think these dreams mean.

My interpretation of these dreams is as follows:

- Guilt over not keeping in touch as much as I'd like to
- A wish to return to my "glory days" at my high school, a time when I really felt comfortable and that I "belonged".

I think part of me wants to go back there, back to the place where I had some of the best times of my life. I was an excellent student, involved in several extracurricular activites including the school paper, and I was generally liked by pretty much everyone. By having dreams about it, I guess I'm wishing that I could have that back. At the same time, in my dreams I feel like I DON'T belong there since I am much older, and I always get that weird "why am I here?" feeling. That probably means that I'm telling myself I really DON'T belong there and that I have to move on.

Some of the dreams involve me coming back to the school newspaper and/or yearbook. I definitely felt most comfortable in those situations, I was "the guy" in that department, so those dreams probably speak to my feeling of "belonging" to the publications of the school. In my dreams, I feel most at home and most wanted when I'm there - the students working on the paper look up to me (which they did in real life too). These dreams probably mean that I want to feel again like I have a definite place and reason in the world, which I've kind of lost after college.

Whatever the reason, I keep having these dreams!! And I'm writing about them now because I had yet another one last night.

Well, that's my interpretation of my dreams, and I'm sorry if I rambled too much or didn't make sense.

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