Like a jaded, cigarette-smoking fish out of water

I was quite amused by last night's No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain, so I thought I'd share my impressions this morning.

Our hero Tony was in French Polynesia for last night's episode, and much like the novel Heart Of Darkness, things just got more and more bizarre the farther from civilization our hero traveled.

He started out in Tahiti, in the capital city Papeete. Tony pointed out that the Papeete is very much a French city, and Tony was looking for something a little less European. Ok, he was actually looking for the complete opposite of European.

Things took a bizarre turn when Tony found himself hanging out with some of French Polynesia's transsexuals. See, it turns out that there used to be a tradition among the natives of raising a chosen boy to act and live like a woman. The tradition lives on somewhat, albeit voluntarily, hence the transsexual club Tony found himself visiting. He joined some of these "gals" for a late-night meal, discussing the region's traditions and nightlife.

After that, Tony was off to another part of the islands, and just when you thought things couldn't get more bizarre, they do. Some of the locals take Tony out spear fishing. He dives right in alongside them and even manages to catch something himself. After enough fish are caught, he is brought back to the island for a traditional meal using local resources such as coconut, milk and all. He's invited to try a local delicacy, some sort of fermented fish dish. It smells awful, Tony reports, but he tries it and seems to enjoy. Your mileage may vary, considering Tony's adventurous taste buds.

Following the fresh fish meal, the locals and Tony venture out to the beach to feed the leftovers to the island equivalent of hungry dogs begging for scraps - sharks! After the sharks are fed, Tony is invited to wrangle a shark just for the fun of it. I'll never forget the sight of a man (not Tony, fortunately) holding up with his arms what is clearly a shark about as big as he is.

Once the shark was re-released to the ocean, Tony was off to yet another, more remote, part of French Polynesia. He was visiting some descendants of the warrior Maori tribes. Tribes that used to practice cannibalism. I'm sure Tony was incredibly pleased they don't do that anymore. That's one local delicacy you want to avoid.

Tony and some of the locals wandered around on horses, viewing ruins and remains of this ancient culture. We're given a history lesson about what happened when missionaries came to these islands and why the statues of Gods and Chiefs don't look the way they used to (hint: they're missing a key body part.) Then we're treated to the most bizarre thing yet - a view of an old "man trap." Kings of old would sit above, watching over their future meal. After much wandering around on horses, Tony ends up taking in an evening drum and dance performance, noting that the traditions of these proud people live on.

In between all these activities, we were treated to shots of Bourdain lounging around in hammocks, soaking up the tropical sun. Lucky, lucky man. The colors in that part of the world are quite beautiful, as Tony notes. The blues are very blue, the whites are stunningly white, the greens are as green as it gets. Such colors don't seem to exist anywhere other than paradise.

I didn't intend for this to become such a long recap of the episode, but it ended up that way. Reminds me how any trip Anthony Bourdain takes ends up quite different than what he expects. I'm sure I left things out, but I wanted to point out the things that stood out to me. Next week, Tony's in Cleveland. It doesn't seem like his kind of town, but maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised.