Thoughts About The VMAs

Today I'm going to discuss the MTV VMAs, and I didn't even watch most of the show!

• The VMAs are not relevant anymore, and never will be until a) MTV starts playing more videos and b) they stop trying to be cool. In the golden age of VMAs, MTV didn't have to try hard to make the event cool - because it WAS cool. The VMAs now are just another excuse for all of MTV's favorite pets (Kanye West, Beyonce, Rihanna, Fall Out Boy) to promote themselves and lip sync to their latest hits. The awards don't matter anymore, and they're only given out in order to allow MTV to keep the 'award' in Video Music Awards.

• Britney, Britney, Britney. What can I say about Britney Spears. Joke's on me and you, because that's the part I deliberately watched. Britney must be doing something right if she's a must-see performer. The trouble is, there wasn't anything in her performance worth watching. Unless, of course, you were watching to see how skimpier her outfits could get. Last night she basically performed in underwear. I wonder what's next - performing completely naked? She should have saved her head-shaving thing for right before her VMA-opening performance. Wouldn't that get your attention? She comes out and - she's bald! But no, instead we get her walking around pretending to sing her latest single. Her songs used to have actual melodies, however bad they were. Now we just get beats and breathless moaning.

• Still on the topic of Britney - whoever says she's now 'fat' should be slapped repeatedly. How far have we fallen that we consider someone with THAT body to be fat? I didn't see any skin jiggling around. To call her fat is to insult those who really ARE obese. What message are we sending by calling Britney fat? What hope does anyone have if healthy weight means malnourished? I think the people calling Britney fat are just jealous of her.

• Justin Timberlake (You gotta love the guy - he can actually sing) wants MTV to play more videos. What do you think the odds of that will be? Slim to none. Besides, I'm not even sure I want MTV to play more videos if it means playing bad videos by bad artists. If an increase in video-playing means I have to watch more flashy rappers and talentless tarts, they can keep their reality shows going all they want. Maybe I'm just getting old. At least VH1 shows some decent videos by decent artists, although only on their weekly countdown. That's the only time, other than mornings, that I ever see videos on VH1. If I have a choice between crappy videos for crappy songs and no videos for good songs, I'll stick with the audio and forget the videos.

• Apparently, if Kanye West sells more albums this week than 50 Cent, 50 will retire from rap. Can we just make them both go away? They're both whiny and annoying and demand attention be on THEM! Just retire, both of you.

I think that's all I have to say on the subject for now. I remember the days when the VMAs were a must-watch event. You never knew when Prince would wear half a pair of pants or Red Hot Chili Peppers would play in diapers. I think the last big VMA scandal was Britney and Madonna kissing. That kiss ended Britney's career, Madonna's career and the allure of the VMAs themselves.