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Courtesy of the Music Memoirs, I give you my version of the

JUKEBOX FROM HELL

10-15 of the worst songs of all time

I tried to pick songs from a variety of genres. Except for maybe one, all of these came from my own mind. You'd better enjoy this, because I don't often get this harsh on any musicians or songs. This is rare for me, but here goes:

1) "Breakfast At Tiffany's" - Deep Blue Something

First, we have the odd, annoying voice of the singer. Add in lyrics like "As I recall, I think we both kinda liked it" and the group's non-committal name "Deep Blue Something" and you have a pretty horrible song. A one-hit wonder to boot.

2) "Make 'em Say Uhhh" - Master P

Good rappers, like Nas or Tupac Shakur, can spit out intelligent rhymes that focus on pertinent social issues and tell stories of the hard life while at the same time sounding really good. Master P, however, is not a good rapper. The only thing he has to say is "Uhhhhh! Na na na na!" I dare you to say that out loud and NOT feel ridiculous.

3) "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion

This song was EVERYWHERE when the Titanic movie came out. Celine Dion was already hard to take, but this song forced everyone in the Western Hemisphere to make a choice: love it, or hate it. I got so sick of it that I ended up in the latter category.

4) "Up" - Shania Twain

I don't know what this has to do with country music. I don't know what Shania Twain has to do with country music anymore. Give me some Johnny Cash any day instead of this pointless crap.

5) "In A Gadda Da Vida" - Iron Butterfly

Jamming can be good once in a while, but not if it's this long. And certainly not if you're too stoned on drugs to sing coherent lyrics. Music got pretty "far-out" in the 60s, but this was just much too excessive. How about some Beatles instead? The Beatles were able to expand their music while still keeping their songwriting abilities.

6) "Hit Me Baby One More Time"/"I'm A Slave 4 U" - Britney Spears

I know, I know. There's a hidden meaning in these songs and the titles are not to be taken literally. I don't care. What I do care about is that the teenage girls listening to these songs (or the ones that did when Britney was still popular with teenage girls) are hearing messages about submitting to men and asking them to hit you. Whether that's what she meant or not, that's what the song titles say on paper. Another horrible song title is "Ooops, I Did It Again." Ooops is right!

7) Any crunk song in existence

I'll admit, once in a while I do enjoy casually listening to crunk music if it's on TV or whatever just for the fun of it. The music may be energetic and silly to listen to, but that's exactly what it is in the end: silly. It's grown men acting like idiots and yelling out sexually explicit commands with no melody whatsoever. A good rap song can sound like urban poetry. Crunk songs just sound like drunk/high idiots yelling out whatever comes to their mind. Yikes.

8) "Behind Blue Eyes" - Limp Bizkit

Fred Durst manages to take all the passion and emotion out of this The Who cover and make it utterly boring to listen to. I sorta liked it at first, but after exactly three listens it gets old FAST. I'm sorry, but Fred Durst cannot sing. He has no right to even ATTEMPT to cover a legendary band like The Who. What's even sadder is that Fred is in his thirties but still acts like a drunken frat boy. Time to grow up, Freddie.

9) Any Kidz Bop song

These are kid-sung versions of pop and rock songs written by adults. I seriously doubt the kids know even a fraction of what they're singing about, and I doubt too many of these songs are even appropriate for them. You want to know what I listened to when I was a kid, aside from whatever happened to be on the radio at the time? I listened to children's music that was FOR children, ABOUT stuff children like and understand. We didn't have cassettes of little kids singing Fleetwood Mac or Prince songs. We had kids music that was made FOR KIDS! Kids don't want to listen to songs about teen relationships and getting blinged out. They want to hear about the wheels on the bus going round and round!

10) "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" - The Darkness

I actually enjoy this song, to tell you the truth. It's so bad that it's good. Even though I like it, I will admit it's a pretty horrible song. It sounds like a thousand classic rock songs that came before it, and contains the most hilariously awful vocals ever sung by anyone. Awful as the vocals are, I think singer Justin Hawkins is actually a pretty good singer technically. He just uses his powerful, capable voice in a theatrical, cheesy way. Like I said, it sounds so bad that you can't help but love it.

11) "21 Questions" - 50 Cent

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."

Can you think of any worse lyrics than those? Ever? If you can, you will get a mention in my sidebar for all eternity. I'm serious.

12) "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

So whiny. So catchy. So horrible. Such an ugly mullet. Such a horrible example of country music.